No, it’s not any sort of gay pun. We’re really just cleaning out the closet to make room for some new stuff we’ll be reviewing in the next few weeks. [Angry Puppy Episode 35]

In between the hilarious cleaning scenes, we talk about:

  • Star Wars: The Force Unleashed
  • Spore
  • Murder Party
  • Iron Man DVD features
  • The Making of Me: John Barrowman
  • Fringe “Pilot” and “The Same Old Story”
  • Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles “Samson and Delilah” and “Automatic for the People”
  • Sandworms of Dune
  • Hellblazer “The Laughing Magician”
  • Plus, the answer to last week’s Mystery Geek Challenge!

To this day, I can’t hear the Star Wars theme without humming under my breath, “Star Wars! Nothing but Star Wars!”

In honor of that clip, I found some other sci-fi themes that friendly neighborhood geeks have added words to.

If Björk ever does another Medúlla-style album, she should hire this next guy. Check out his a capella Battlestar Galactica theme:

YouTube Preview Image

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March 14th, 2008The 10 Worst Cast Roles

You’ll have to forgive us if we get a little worked up about this one. Some of these films, shows and franchises are passionate favorites, and the miscasting of a few of the roles isn’t so much a reflection on the actors themselves as it is on the people behind the decisions.

As always we want to know what you think. Do you agree with the below, have we overstated any of this, or is there anyone we missed?

Drop us a comment - we want to know!

#10 - James Marshall as James Hurley (Twin Peaks)
Poor James and Donna were always the weak points of this otherwise completely engaging series. But while Lara Flynn Boyle brought life to the alternatingly bookish and naughty Donna Hayward, James Marshall had nothing to offer us beyond confused looks and blank stares. And when confronted by rival Bobby Briggs, this supposedly hard-assed biker looked about to burst into tears.

Do you dare watch it?#9 - Ben Affleck as Daredevil (Daredevil)
Wait, wait. Stop laughing a second. Seriously. Seriously, we’re not done yet. Get this: Ben Affleck, as Daredevil, in a red leather jumpsuit (which was also poorly cast).

#8 - Timothy Dalton as James Bond (The Living Daylights, License To Kill)
While we can’t fault Dalton for these two unfortunate entries in the near-perfect franchise (excepting these two films and, of course, Diamonds Are Forever), he didn’t exactly help. It’s not that Dalton is a bad actor. After all, he brought life to Flash Gordon’s Prince Barin and was great fun in last year’s Hot Fuzz. He’s just too severe and has the wrong energy to pull off Bond. Bond fans love to joke about George Lazenby’s shortcomings, but we have to respectfully disagree. Lazenby, like the other Bonds before and after him, brought character to the role. Dalton doesn’t quite pull it off.

#7 - Avery Brooks as Captain Sisko (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)
There isn’t really a nice way to say this. Brooks is kind of painful to watch in this role. We love the other characters, the stories, the scripts, and pretty much everything else about the series. Some of the better directors were able to tone Brooks down enough that we could concentrate on his words, as opposed to his ranting, emotional tantrums and/or gnashing of teeth. But when he wasn’t held in check we found ourselves constantly hoping a Jem’Hadar would jump out from behind his baseball with a phased polaron weapon just to shut the guy up.

Serious Acting#6 - Dwayne Johnson as Boxer Santaros (Southland Tales)
A bunch of stuff needed fixing in this film, sure. But The Rock was the most glaring distraction. I read somewhere that it was his own idea that his character should be nervously wringing his hands throughout the film. Thanks for that distracting bit of realism Dwayne, because hulking muscle-bound action stars are always nervously fretting away in the corner when faced with the least bit of danger or confusion.

Lightning Strikes Toad# 5 - Halle Berry as Storm (X-Men films)
Do you know what happens to a toad when it gets struck by lightning? Apparently blank disinterested stares coupled with the deadpan delivery of an overrated actress sounding like she’s struggling to remember one of maybe ten lines in the whole damn film. Sorry for the uncharacteristic bitchiness on our part, but Storm is one of the best characters in the history of the franchise and there have to be a hundred actresses who could have delivered this performance. Sigh. Our dream of seeing Grace Jones bringing Storm to life goes unfulfilled.

#4 - Keanu Reeves as Constantine (Constantine), Neo (The Matrix), Johnny Mnemonic (Johnny Mnemonic), Jonathan Harker (Bram Stoker’s Dracula), and Jack-be-Nimble in the 1986 TV movie Babes in Toyland, also starring Drew Barrymore, with Pat Morita as the Toymaster
We’re not being entirely fair with Reeves here; the problem isn’t so much the casting as the fact that he’s just a terrible actor. But we think he can pull off a role when he plays his dopey, silly self (Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Dangerous Liaisons, My Own Private Idaho). The worst transgression on the list is his casting in Constantine. We’re not sticklers for details, but seriously, if you’ve ever read the books, if you’ve just read half an issue, hell, if you’ve no more than glanced at the cover of Hellblazer, then you know what an egregious choice this was.

#3 - Scott Bakula as Captain Archer (Star Trek: Enterprise)
To be fair, this was not the best written of the Star Trek series, and at least Bakula didn’t overheat and spurt out dramatic outbursts à la Avery Brooks. But the larger problem with his Captain was that his personality made the role nonsensical to the point of constant distraction. We blame the writing for the character’s insouciant naivete, but we blame Bakula for delivering every line as though he were talking down to children and idiots. It’s hard to imagine why every character he encountered didn’t slap the guy across the face for his patronizing tone. Couldn’t they have recast the dog in his role? At least he was cute.

Fresh#2 - Nicolas Cage as Ghost Rider (Ghost Rider)
This is just strange. Here’s a guy in his forties, looking like he’s in his sixties, playing what we’re assuming is meant to be a guy in his late twenties or early thirties. We’re not sure exactly what went wrong here, but we suspect it’s some combination of bad plastic surgery and our 47″ high def TV. Aside from the issue that he doesn’t look the part, Cage’s effortless generic delivery scores no points with what could have been an interesting role. It’s not that he’s a bad actor; he works pretty well in about every fourth film. But as charismatic action star / superhero? Not so much.

Wanna rule the universe after pep club?#1 - Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker (Star Wars II & III)
Does this really need explaining? Darth Vader was already one of the greatest characters in the history of film, and the prequels only added more layers of complexity to our favorite armored goth dude. Granted the prequels were a minefield of awkward scripting and irritating support characters, but the story held up pretty well. The benefit of stronger casting to both of the last films would have been incalculable. If you’re still not convinced, close your eyes and picture Christensen’s delivery of this line as though he were trying out for middle school drama club, “Don’t you see? We don’t have to run away anymore! I am more powerful than the Chancellor, I… I can overthrow him! And together, you and I can rule the galaxy!”


Ten Worst Cast Roles

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February 14th, 2008Auto-erotic Something or Other

Apropos of absolutely nothing, sci fi blog io9 asked the question: “Which hero would you like to see hook up with his/her alternate selves?”

  • nice Kirk/mean Kirk
  • all the Drs. Who
  • Boomer/Athena
  • a couple of Supermen
  • Milla Jovovich and clones (from Resident Evil)
  • Jango Fett

Some of the commenters made it clear that they are not interested in Gawker’s brand of sci fi masturbation fantasies. I say, “Hey, if they took the time to ask, the least I can do is reply.”

Sigh.  Captain Pike, we barely knew you.Kirk: No, and if I have to explain it, you either have some weird Kirk fetish or maybe just bad taste in men altogether. His brand of braggadoccio leaves me bored. Christopher Pike, on the other hand, had a double in the mirror universe (before mirror Kirk killed him). Now, that I could go for.

Doctor Whos: A loud “yes” on the last two, but I think you’d have to have fairly broad tastes to want to see all of them together.

Boomer/Athena: I only say “no” because the ratio of female gayness to male gayness on Battlestar Galactica is already horribly skewed. Until we see Baltar and Helo together, I vote in favor of a moratorium on sixes and threes slipping into bed with each other. At least Torchwood has the decency to be perverted on all fronts.

Superman: Dullsville.

Milla Jovovich: In a completely unrelated note, I was once having dinner in a middle-of-the-road Indian restaurant in the Village, and who should be seated next to me but Milla Jovovich. I’m not a particularly star-struck person, but I had literally just seen The Fifth Element (again), so it was a nice surprise. She’s lovely, but no, I don’t really want to see her getting it on with herselves. I wouldn’t mind watching her fight it out amongst herselves over some steamy samosas, though. That girl can eat.

Jango Fett: I didn’t put him last, but it’s good that he is, because he’s the clear winner. Not because of Jango Fett, mind you, but because of Temuera Morrison, the actor who played him. Let’s show more of him than you could see in Star Wars. (He’s the one on the left.)

Different Show, Same Guy

For a more revealing shot, check out this photo by New Zealand-based photographer Sally Tagg.

There aren’t many criticisms of Ang Lee’s definitive Hulk.  </straightface>

Besides the similarity in appearance to Shrek, though, one other complaint was that the Hulk seemed too invincible, that nothing could really damage him.

Mike Deodato’s AbominationLuckily for the upcoming sequel-but-non-sequel, The Incredible Hulk, the Hulk will face a serious threat in the Abomination.

If you’re not familiar with him, the Abomination is born when KGB spy Emil Blonsky intentionally exposes himself to gamma radiation. While stronger than the Hulk (when calm), he can’t revert to his human form, and his strength doesn’t increase with his anger. In classic villain form, he spends a lot of time taking his anger out on Bruce Banner/The Hulk.

In the film, he’ll be referred to only as Emil Blonsky, since the writers reportedly found “The Abomination” too silly. I can understand their concern; a lot of the comic aesthetic doesn’t translate well into film. But I don’t think the Abomination sounds particularly silly as comic stuff goes.

Toy Abomination, sounds cute.SuperHeroHype.com posted an image of some merchandising which gives us a glimpse of how the Hulk and the Abomin…, sorry, Blonsky might look in the movie. What do you think?  It’s not the way I would have pictured the Abomination, but I like it.

You can never tell with these action figures, though. In case you didn’t see it, check out Topless Robot’s list of “The 10 Star Wars Toys that Unintentionally Look Like Other Celebrities“.

You should see who Leia looks like…

Via /Film


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