Angry Puppy

We put together this list of our 15 favorite witches and noticed that (with a few exceptions like Julien Mayfair) most of our honorees are actually just powerful women trying to make their way in a man’s world. Misunderstandings, misinformation and misogyny might be responsible, but we’re glad these characters exist to give us so many hours of entertainment. Honorable mention goes to Baba Yaga from Russian folklore and Tabitha from Passions (because, well, because of Spike.)

#15 - Yubaba (Spirited Away, voiced by Mari Natsuki [Japanese], Suzanne Pleshette [English])

At first glance, Yubaba seems like your typical evil witch. But as the story progresses, you realize that, no, she’s just a sensible business woman, trying to keep her bathhouse running despite the appearance of stink spirits, ravenous wraiths and whiny little girls on coming-of-age journeys. And we might add that she has some fairly spry moves for an old woman with a head the size of a small elephant.

#14 - Witch Hazel (Looney Tunes, voiced by Bea Benaderet and June Foray)

For starters, she aspires to be the ugliest witch of all, she provided inspiration for William Shakespeare, and she eats kids. And then there’s the cackling and the thing with the hair pins. That never got old.

#13 - Azkadellia (Tin Man, portrayed by Kathleen Robertson)

The wicked witch of the Tin Man universe, Sci Fi Channel’s recent reinvention of The Wizard of Oz, wins hands down in the style department. We’re not sure where she shops but we suspect it might be somewhere in BioShock’s Rapture City. Aside from being gorgeous, stylish, and wicked evil, her special talent alone lands her a coveted spot on our list: we highly doubt anyone else on this list has the ability to send forth flying monkeys from their bosoms.

#12 - The Scarlet Witch (The Avengers)

Zatanna looks cooler and Magik has a sword, but Magneto’s favorite daughter wins in the wacky talent department. She started out with the ability to manipulate probability (which, in itself, is fun), but upgraded more recently to manipulate reality enough to spark massive crossover stories. Plus she married a robot and was brought up by a cow. Cool.

#11 - Lamia (Stardust, portrayed by Michelle Pfeiffer)

The first of two Michelle Pfeiffer witches in our list is Lamia from the under-appreciated Stardust, based on Neil Gaiman’s novel of the same name. Lamia masters both the cackling, old crone and the tempting, young vamp, sometimes simultaneously. Is there any movie Michelle Pfeiffer can’t save? (Oh, yeah. Wolf.)

#10 - The Witches of Eastwick (The Witches of Eastwick, portrayed by Michelle Pfeiffer, Susan Sarandon, and Cher)

Cherries anyone?

#9 - Prue, Piper, Phoebe and Paige (Charmed, portrayed by Shannen Doherty, Holly Marie Combs, Alyssa Milano and Rose McGowan)

OK, so the morality of the show is not complex and the writers seem to forget basic plot points from season to season. But it’s like 90210 - with witches! Let’s put aside the revolving eye candy and simple plot lines for a moment. There’s enough drama backstage that you don’t even really need to watch any episodes. Shannen Doherty’s friend Holly Marie Combs shows up to the audition and gets cast in a leading role. Ms. Doherty herself leaves after a few seasons because of problems on the set (read: tensions with Alyssa Milano) and is replaced by the hottest woman on the planet, Rose McGowan.  Oh, and I think there’s some supernatural stuff that happens on the show too.

#8 - Endora (Bewitched, portrayed by Agnes Moorehead)

Does this really need an explanation?

#7 - Miss Price (Bedknobs and Broomsticks, portrayed by Angela Lansbury)

Treguna Mekoides and Trecorum Satis Dee! Oh, why couldn’t Miss Price dance into our childhood, all dancing and singing and talking to cartoon fish and making suits of armor parade around to attack Nazis? Glinda is supposed to be the preferred childhood witch of choice for us gays, but somehow floating around in a bubble and a party dress failed to impress us. We’ll take Angela Lansbury dropping in and flying our bed to cartoon land to play soccer with the lions any day. Note: as much as that sounds like some kind of naughty and very weird euphemism, we can assure you it’s meant to be taken literally.

#6 - Mad Hettie & Thessaly (Vertigo comics)

We love the witches of the Vertigo/Sandman universe. Whether you know Mad Hettie from the pages of Hellblazer or Sandman, you can’t help but love the batty old queen of Compton Street, even if she does smell like a storm drain. And as mad as Hettie is, she’s a pixie compared to Thessaly. Sure, Thessaly was a good deal responsible for the death of the dream king but by the end of that story who wasn’t? We love her cold efficiency and take-charge attitude; just don’t ever date her. Or release psychic ravens out of your chest cavity to poison her dreams. She hates that.

#5 - Elphaba (Wicked)

An atheist, animal rights activist who gets written up by history as a wicked witch. Surprised?

#4 - The Blair Witch (The Blair Witch Project)

We still don’t know what the deal is with the Blair Witch. Is it because we didn’t bother with the sequel? In any case Blair (as we like to call her) wins the scary witch award for totally freaking us out. It’s a decade later and we’re still unnerved every time we see someone standing in a corner.

#3 - Willow, Tara and Amy (the Buffyverse)

Long-time readers: Aha! Willow’s not number 1! New readers: See here.

#2 - The Mayfair Witches (Lives of the Mayfair Witches trilogy)

Witches! Intrigue! Architecture! Ignore the fact that this trilogy becomes a bodice-ripper every 13 pages or so, and this will be one of your favorite witchy series.

#1 - The Bene Gesserit (the Dune novels)

They’ve been around for millennia, and thanks to their inherited memories, they haven’t forgotten a thing. They manage a rockin’ breeding program, mastered the always entertaining power of Voice, and carry around an internal catalog of hilarious STDs that they can release at will on people they don’t like. Sure, when nobody else answers the call it’s the Bene Gesserit looking out for the future of the human race, but more importantly even tens of thousands of years in the future the BG continue to successfully reinvent basic black.

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