Angry Puppy

Constantine came on FX the other night, and I re-watched it, pretending that it had nothing to do with Hellblazer. Viewed through that lens, it’s not so bad, but it still falls in my dead zone: neither good enough to sit through nor bad enough to laugh through. And in the interest of full disclosure, I admit that I failed to disassociate it from the comic series. I mean, come on! It’s John Constantine, innit!

I’d love to hear from people who think otherwise (it’s so subjective), but I found this Constantine more tiresome than compelling. A suicide-induced Flatliners moment damned him, and now, like some two-bit exorcist, he goes door to door sending errant demons back to Hell to curry God’s favor (yawn) so he can get into heaven. Hey! Isn’t that almost the plot of Reaper? Where’s the nuance from the comics?

Fortunately for you, me and everyone we know, Tilda Swinton has a habit of making otherwise meh movies worth watching. Here she is as the wonderfully androgynous archangel Gabriel:

John Constantine, Tilda Swinton in hooker pants kicking Keanu Reeves’ ass, and, hey, it’s even got boy-of-the-moment Shia LeBeouf as Chas… How could it have gone so wrong?

We’ve made it clear that we think Keanu Reeves as Constantine is some of the worst casting ever. Re-watch the clip above and imagine the same lines acted as if they were based on any version of John Constantine from the comics. Not so bad, right? But that faux-intense effect that Mr. Reeves uses kills any affection and respect I had for the character.

I’m not savvy enough to discern if that’s a fault of the acting or the directing, but here’s director Francis Lawrence’s IMDB entry. It’s impressive in its own right, but there’s not much in the way of turning other successful dark comic series into films.

As we said in the vlog, don’t enter the Hellblazer universe though this movie. As an alternative, I’ve put some of my favorite TPBs in this handy Amazon widget.

I’d love to hear your recommendations. And I especially want to hear from those who liked Constantine the film. John Constantine is too close to my heart for me to be truly objective, and I’m open to hearing what good things I might have missed in the movie.