Angry Puppy

We knew there was a bisexual Number 6, but which Number 6 was it? We did the math, so you don’t have to.

Welcome to our Gallery of Gay Action Figures, Caprica Six.

This is the one who seduced Baltar into giving up information critical to the destruction of the Colonies, but she’s not the one in the red dress that seems to live in his head (or not).

She is later reborn as a Cylon hero, causes fundamental change to Cylon society (because occupation is nicer than genocide) and ends up in some sort of three-way relationship with Baltar and Number 3.

As best I remember, she was last seen in the brig, but then there was that hallucination that might not have been a hallucination (or maybe this show is giving me seizures and it never happened at all).

And we were upset that Caprica would be like Dallas?

Last night I tried to see an advance screening of the upcoming Uwe Boll masterpiece Postal, loosely based on, I think, the 1337 patch of 2003’s game Postal 2. Incredibly (in the truest sense of the word), the screening was over-booked with Uwe-fans, so I didn’t get in.

My friend Adam did, however, manage to get a shot with the auteur himself. We also saw Randy Jones, the cowboy from The Village People, though I’m not sure if he’s involved with the movie or was just, you know, hanging out.

One review compared Postal to a collision of South Park and Kentucky Fried Movie which resulted in an offensive, yet funny, farce. Based on some of the scenes I’ve read about (e.g. a George W. Bush lookalike running a toy airplane into a couple of Lego towers), I think they achieved offensive. Whether or not it’s funny remains to be seen. Here’s one of the trailers to give you an idea:

Based on the cast alone, this is sure to be another Boll blockbuster:

• Zack Ward, best remembered as the bully from A Christmas Story, is the Postal Dude
• Dave Foley, best remembered as Dave Foley, as Uncle Dave
• the Soup Nazi, Larry Thomas, as Osama bin Laden
• Uwe Boll as Uwe Boll
• Verne Troyer as Verne Troyer (In the trailer, he’s “Vern Troyer”. Typo?)
• J.K. Simmons as Candidate Wells

If you want to keep your memories of The Kids in the Hall un-sullied, be aware that Dave Foley apparently appears fully nude for about a minute. Know when to look away.

I managed to sit through Alone in the Dark, but just barely. Do we have any secret Uwe Boll fans among our readers? Anyone else make it all the way through any of his other movies?

Postal opens May 23, 2008